I wanted you for Christmas. I thought you were the one thing that would help me move more. My husband surprised me early with you. I strapped you to my wrist and wore you faithfully.
I obsessed over you. I checked you constantly. I rejoiced when I hit 10,000 steps and you congratulated me with vibrations and flashy lights. I walked around my apartment at night when I was thisclose to 10,000 steps just to have you congratulate me when I should have been sleeping while my baby was sleeping.
I sought validation in you.
I lost sleep so you would pat me on the back.
I felt like crap about myself when I failed to reach my daily goal that you set for me.
I let a leaderboard make me feel inadequate about my workouts when I shouldn’t have. My walking will never compare to my friends running marathons, and that’s ok.
When you stopped working, I got upset. Upset. I furiously emailed with your tech support because I felt lost without you. I was relieved when you were working again. I needed you.
Then you were recalled.
I requested return packaging. It sat on my counter for over a week. This weekend, I dropped you in the envelope, strapped my baby in her stroller, and set out for the post office. I wasn’t even sure I was going to send you back when I left home, but I quickly realized that breaking up with you was the right thing to do.
I noticed the trees on our walk. I was more aware of my surroundings. I heard my daughter’s every giggle and we had quite the conversation on our way to the post office, all without pushing your button for validation.
I had all the validation I needed in the enjoyment of my surroundings. I didn’t need you anymore.
I got to the post office, insured the crap out of you so I don’t lose money on this deal, and that’s where our relationship ended. The postal worker threw you into a bin and off you went to the land of tainted Fitbits.
On our way home, I felt free. No longer was I focused on a number or how fast I could reach a certain number.
We stopped and goofed off.
So breaking up with you was the smartest thing I could’ve done and the fact that you’re giving people rashes was a blessing in disguise because it made me realize that I didn’t need you. I took a shower and put on sandals and a sundress, no longer feeling the pressure to be dressed for a workout so I could get that number to go higher higher higher.
I just need to move more, choose healthy food, and enjoy my surroundings without obsessing.
I’ll be patiently awaiting my refund.
Your former lover
PS- I’m down this week without you. It’s slight, but it’s movement in the right direction.